How to Drive in France · 5 January 2002
- You went to New York once, whereupon you were dazzled by the technique and verve of the American cab driver. Model yourself after this noble guardian of the streets: learn his tenacity and fearlessness, and know that above all it is your confidence behind the wheel that will serve in the education of others.
- While driving, should someone pull onto an otherwise empty road two kilometres ahead of you, step on the gas until you are a maximum of two inches behind this interloper and stay there, that he may understand the urgency of your journey and your status as an educator.
- No matter the speed of traffic flow, or the narrowness of the streets, let this be your mantra: pass, pass, pass. Whenever possible, pass those who are passing. If, while passing, someone flashes their lights behind you for passing too slowly, apply your brakes.
- If someone passes you, pass him as soon as possible, slow down, then give him the finger.
- If you are a young male in a white Renault, you own the road. Drive in any lane you choose, at whatever speed. Give everyone the finger.
- If you are a truck driver, know that it helps pass the time on the highway to team up with another truck and box a car in. This can be great sport while drunk.
- Turn signals? Hardly worth the effort.
- If the license plate indicates the car in front of you is registered in another départment, this is your enemy. Cut this car off, then give the finger.
- If the license plate indicates the driver is from Paris, run him off the road, then give him the finger.
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