I Hereby Decree · 10 March 2003
- that anyone who made it through Magnolia should somehow have those three crumpled, stained hours given back to them
- that nice-try-pal self-styled ‘libertarian’ Glenn Reynolds be referred to henceforth by his proper name, ‘The InstaPublican’
- that he or she who sends a jar of Adams peanut butter (smooth, salted) shall be distinguished as a good person and true
- that it is entirely acceptable (it is entirely, objectively noble) to address anyone who would propagandize transparent, toxic junk in the name of those who died September 11, 2001 a grave-robbing cunt
- that I did flinch typing that, yes, but only from habit
- that ‘Can’t Hardly Wait’ by the Replacements is the best song to play loud on car trips short and long
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