Check fridge. Check online support group.
Open roll of cookie dough. Open account.
Remember there are others.
Remember to hide evidence.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
8 hours, 7 minutes agoView original
8
@Moltz You can beat facebook by adding friends whom you haven't spoken to in 10+ years. Good luck with Boss Battle #3. I hear it's a bitch.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
18 hours, 22 minutes agoView original
7
I recently joined facebook and I can't find the "Look at my life! LOOK AT IT! Button" Am I missing something? This must be an oversight.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
18 hours, 40 minutes agoView original
35
The repairman is scheduled to come fix our refrigerator anytime from 8AM tomorrow until January 2010.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
1 day, 15 hours agoView original
18
Following people on twitter is like sitting in an overcrowded psychiatric ward waiting room just hoping that someone will go bat-shit crazy.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
3 days, 6 hours agoView original
45
This beer is so Belgian, I'm pissing Trappist Monks.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
3 days, 7 hours agoView original
13
I'm not sure what's going on around here, but all I know is that this hamper smells funny.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
3 days, 9 hours agoView original
4
I haven't showered since last year.
Is that a thing? That's a thing right?
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
3 days, 16 hours agoView original
16
Dear Abby:
My wife is pregnant and I think she's cheating on me.
I'm not even sure the baby is hers. What should I do?
Confused Dad
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
3 days, 20 hours agoView original
18
Most people don't realize that Chik-fil-A closes on Sundays to baptize the chicken nuggets in peanut oil.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
4 days, 10 hours agoView original
11
Now that it's the new year, I want to take this time to apologize for the mean and hurtful things I'll say about you and your mom is so fat.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
5 days, 6 hours agoView original
20
I sent my wife in to buy several bottles of hard alcohol at the liquor store. She is 7 months pregnant.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
5 days, 11 hours agoView original
23
I generally dislike everyone the same, but for you I'll make an exception since it's still 2008.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
5 days, 16 hours agoView original
6
To simulate the Times Square feel for my New Year's party, wine will cost $20, but the pickpocketing and unprotected sex are free of charge.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
5 days, 18 hours agoView original
27
At 2AM, December 31st, 2008 Zune became self-aware it was a Microsoft product and committed the rare act of synchronized electronic Seppuku.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
5 days, 21 hours agoView original
27
Our bedroom is where the magic happens. I perform tricks from my Amazing Magic Kit while my wife attempts to disappear with another man.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
6 days, 8 hours agoView original
14
As a general rule of thumb, most food doesn't last longer than the half-life of depleted uranium, so I keep some in my fridge to gauge this.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
6 days, 10 hours agoView original
9
Ever since I started working out to these new Flirty Girl Fitness DVDs, I've killed two sizes off my manhood.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
6 days, 15 hours agoView original
6
Call it luck or stupidity, but every time I play the dispenser game in the gas station restroom I win a flavored balloon.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
6 days, 20 hours agoView original
35
My New Year's resolutions are to read less, watch more TV, stop exercising, gain weight, procrastinate, drink more and start smoking.
thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) from Indianapolis, IN
25