Me: "By the way, we're out of hot dogs and your bologna."
Her: "You fed them to the dog, didn't you?"
Me: "No… Well… kinda. Yes… I did."
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 hour, 1 minute agoView original
2
Answer: the pin is the Alzheimer's Association logo, the official BCS on Fox charity: http://tr.im/2Tsk
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 hour, 9 minutes agoView original
1
I haven't been this confused by a bitch since high school.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 hour, 51 minutes agoView original
7
Old Blind Beagle, after stumbling sideways down the hall about an hour ago, jumped down off the couch and hopped up the stairs. As usually?
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
2 hours, 7 minutes agoView original
2
New Year's Resolution Rules, Section 12, para. 3, subsection B: You get a reprieve if you will likely have to kill your own fucking dog.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
3 hours, 46 minutes agoView original
1
@luomat "unltimate" eh? Learn to spell, jackass. Or lay off the cheese sticks and maybe your fingers won't be so fat.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
7 hours, 3 minutes agoView original
3
AHHHHHHHH! He installed Tiger! Get it off! Get it off! Dog lips! Get the hot water! Get the disinfectant!
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
7 hours, 23 minutes agoView original
5
The Wife's mother called today to ask how it felt to be 35.
She's 36.
After being corrected: "Oh crap, that means I'm gonna be 56."
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
8 hours, 26 minutes agoView original
5
The best mozzarella sticks ever and SHE'S PEELING OFF THE BREADING TO EAT THE CHEESE. It's her birthday so I'm not saying anything. Aloud.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
9 hours, 3 minutes agoView original
6
Dammit, I can't believe @Tony_D scheduled his fake conference the same week as mine. He does this every year.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
10 hours, 45 minutes agoView original
7
From the "I Shit You Not" department, co-sponsored by the "This Is Our Future" department: http://tr.im/redmeat (slightly too long to tweet)
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
12 hours, 10 minutes agoView original
1
@jefferyharrell Do I look like some sort of electronic hobo who needs 8gb of outdated printer drivers?!
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
12 hours, 12 minutes agoView original
1
He installed the hard drive and started the OS X installation. Without even asking. Like I wouldn't want to Customize the install. *huff*
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
12 hours, 32 minutes agoView original
2
So did I ever tell you about the time when ---OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HE DROPPED *ANOTHER* SCREW ON THE FLOOR?! I REALLY NEED TO BE IN THERE
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
14 hours, 7 minutes agoView original
13
Guy is here replacing my iMac hard drive. I'm writing this so as to not hover over his shoulder and yell "BE CAREFUL WITH THAT! EASY!"
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
14 hours, 18 minutes agoView original
7
I don't know what I was afraid of, these pants fit fine.
After all, one of my New Year's resolutions was to go all day without sitting down.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
17 hours, 36 minutes agoView original
15
The midnight bacon was totally worth having to brush my teeth again after eating.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 day, 1 hour agoView original
8
"It's amazing how much snot can be contained in one nose." - The Wife, who has been sick ALL YEAR LONG.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
11
@kellydeal I won't tase you, I might lose my spot in line, which I inherited from my grandfather.
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
4
@kellydeal I'm not one of you, crazy hair lady. Flat is where it's at! Makin' Bacon Mine in '09! Makin' Bacon Mine in '09!
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
1