@abigvictory So when someone smells of cigs, they'll have their head shaved and get a Karen Silkwood wire brush scrubdown.
Balut from Left Coast
11 hours, 25 minutes agoView original
3
My last Favrd OH tweet was from the guy sweeping the floor last night at Taco Bell. Look for humor everywhere and share credit.
Balut from Left Coast
3
@msteciuk I loved the fucked-up dreams I got from melatonin. I'd feel so refreshed the next day, but soon the melatonin had little effect.
Balut from Left Coast
1 day, 3 hours agoView original
1
OH: "It's like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse bearing down on you right after you drank a case of Red Bull."
#PDX_overreaction_to_snow
Balut from Left Coast
1 day, 4 hours agoView original
5
You know you're getting older when you catch snowflakes in your mouth and it hurts when they hit your teeth.
Balut from Left Coast
1 day, 5 hours agoView original
10
The danger with internet addiction versus other types is that you never have to leave home to replenish your supply.
Balut from Left Coast
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
9
@pheend I deleted my Facebook account. Nobody would even play Scrabble with me.
Balut from Left Coast
2 days, 3 hours agoView original
1
If we tweet only disinformation during the next disaster, maybe we can take Twitter back from the suits.
Balut from Left Coast
2 days, 3 hours agoView original
7
I know a married couple who met on AOL Chat. I can't picture the quiet husband typing "Do U shave yr pussy?", "RU into anal?" & "Cup size?".
Balut from Left Coast
2 days, 10 hours agoView original
10
In 2009, I hope I never have to reply "Nothing much." to the question "What have you been up to lately?".
Balut from Left Coast
2 days, 23 hours agoView original
7
I've made several failed attempts to keep a journal. Most entries say "Got up. Made coffee." and nothing more.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
6
Ritalin is medically indicated for guys who don't have a vicariously ambitious woman to organize and pussy-whip them to greatness.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
11
I'm not a kid anymore, but act immature so cougars will like me.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
5
Just got spammed by someone selling weight loss shakes.
Slim Easy Shakes <iixop@syphilitic.net> Huh, what was that domain name? FAIL.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 13 hours agoView original
1
Took a shower with a washcloth over my face for a minute. Not scary. Waterboarding, like tickling, is something you can't do to yourself.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 17 hours agoView original
7
I had a crush a bank teller until she finally stepped out from behind the glass and I saw that the back of her head was completely flat.
Balut from Left Coast
3 days, 18 hours agoView original
4
My Twitter feed is Google entry 8 out of 553,000 for "balut". Balut is also a food item and a card game. So don't follow me you SEO pricks.
Balut from Left Coast
3
Only the bottom third of the windshield didn't fog up. I had to hunch down to see. It's as if I had learned to drive from Glenn Gould.
Balut from Left Coast
1
Getting a little tired of restricting myself to life's dollar menu.
Balut from Left Coast
4 days, 11 hours agoView original
6
Know who else annoys me? The drudge at work who posted the company mission statement on the wall of his cubicle. He also is very tidy.
Balut from Left Coast
4 days, 12 hours agoView original
1