TinyDemon: "MOM, what's a CONDOM?"
...20 seconds later
...wait for it
...<loud screaming while running back to her room>
..."EEEWWWWW"!!
Ha.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 hour, 18 minutes agoView original
8
@emzbulletproof Oh, that's what it says! I couldn't figure out what brand "UIC" was. I didn't see the J or the Y. Heh.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
11 hours, 15 minutes agoView original
1
@emzbulletproof Silver lining? Skinny again, no shaving legs & jammie pants all day long unlike the rest of these tweetin' mf'ers. BooYAH.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
11 hours, 25 minutes agoView original
1
2009 weight loss plan: be unemployed, depressed, sleep thru breakfast & lunch, & have little money to buy dinner. Will power? Not an issue.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
11 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
15
I just lost followers for yelling about white frat boys, high-fiving each other in tight muscle shirts. OH YEAH?! GOOD.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
23 hours, 21 minutes agoView original
8
It blows my mind that so many people would pay $ to see Dane Cook, when you can find multitudes of the SAME GUY in any Boston bar.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
13
@AprilSTL That's it. Forget Catherine Keener, I so have a crush on *YOU*.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 day, 1 hour agoView original
1
Someone once wrote that drinking Port makes you portly. Frankly, I don't give a donkey fuck. I would bathe in it, if I ever had enough.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 day, 1 hour agoView original
10
@davislove I have some extra naked pics of @missamymac, if you want 'em? Good for you, seriously.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 day, 3 hours agoView original
1
Yes, my people, only a new movie about the Notorious B.I.G. can hold back the momentous tide of ambivalence & bile that is rising within me.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 day, 5 hours agoView original
5
Busted staring at a chick's ass in Walgreen's. She's flattered, but it's really b/c of a stain that looks like she's shitting furry salsa.
MamitaMojita from Suck it, Florida
1 day, 7 hours agoView original
16
I *so* have a crush on Catherine Keener.
MamitaMojita from World's Most Famous Beach
2 days, 1 hour agoView original
1
Dear PizzaGuy: You should know that the "here-are-your-anchovy-pizzas-hyuk-hyuk" joke wasn't funny the 1st time, much less the 7th. Stop it.
MamitaMojita from World's Most Famous Beach
2 days, 4 hours agoView original
4
I must need something to love. I even miss this little guy. http://is.gd/euj7
MamitaMojita from The Beach
2 days, 8 hours agoView original
1
@missamymac 1)Spanx, me too! 2)Joe takes our "Daddy" RP srsly. 3)I tried to Truckstop-Ho myself all the way to Folly Beach. I got a T-shirt.
MamitaMojita from The Beach
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
1
@joeschmitt JOE! You don't know me at ALL! <SOB> Besides, Oprah says you shouldn't try to control me, or my fake list of friends.
MamitaMojita from The Beach
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
1
Is that guacamole on your pants, or are you just hap... That's just gross.
MamitaMojita from The Beach
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
17
My Friday-night-awesome? Sucking the life out of edamame pods & going thru 147 pages of tweets, because I just can't NOT read them. *sob*
MamitaMojita from The Beach
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
7
Back in black, I hit the sack, it's been so long since you've all seen my rack...
MamitaMojita from The Beach
3 days, 10 hours agoView original
7
@emzbulletproof Xanax. Tiny bottles of booze. Auto-erotic asphyxiation. In that order.
MamitaMojita from The Beach
1 week, 3 days agoView original
2