Currently blurring the line between being a horrible Jew and a lazy asshole: The fact that my Christmas tree is still up.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
15 hours, 4 minutes agoView original
6
@eoporto - "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"...Ha! Just kidding. We both just have a life-crippling case of alcoholism.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
17 hours, 58 minutes agoView original
1
I got a Twitter "phishing" message, but it was from @BarackObama. So I clicked on it. A hand came through my moniter and put a lei on me.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
20 hours, 18 minutes agoView original
3
In preperation for having to go back to work on Tuesday, I've started drinking tonight.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
1 day, 8 hours agoView original
1
http://twitpic.com/zo23 - Twitter makes it easy to become an Atheist.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
1 day, 16 hours agoView original
4
I don't hate my job, or have children. And I still got @Favrd like five times yesterday. I think that means the Hadron Collider is working.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
1 day, 20 hours agoView original
5
Drinking while driving is a lot easier when you have a giant penis.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 6 hours agoView original
8
Take note, Plaxico Burress. Tonight, the Chargers showed how you can shoot yourself in the foot and *still* get the job done.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 8 hours agoView original
2
When I was a child, a "Chocolate Soldier" was a drink. These days, the possibilities are almost limitless.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 9 hours agoView original
2
My self-confidence has reached the point to where if I see someone wink at me, I just assume they have Aspergers.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 10 hours agoView original
11
My penis is the prop to the comedy act that is my life.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 15 hours agoView original
7
My inner monologue would have made a fantastic character on "The Golden Girls".
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 16 hours agoView original
10
What's up, Southside OKC?! Oh. Gang violence? That's cool...
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 18 hours agoView original
1
I just realized that my generation will be the one that is forever credited for "Beverly Hills Chihuahua".
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
2 days, 19 hours agoView original
3
I'm wearing a suit, I have a beard, and ok at a strip club. This is the stuff sex crimes are made of.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
3 days, 9 hours agoView original
1
MISSEDCONNECTION: You- Vagina of the cute lady who helped me at Sephora, wore glasses, called me funny, and stroked my beard. Me- My penis.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
3 days, 10 hours agoView original
2
I'm a *male*, in Sephora, struggling to chose between Diesel, Lacoste, and Prada. I'm pretty sure this is a negative fifth world problem.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
3 days, 18 hours agoView original
1
http://twitpic.com/yw7j - Just bought "Crayon Physics Deluxe" for iPhone. Besides being pretty incredible, its made swear words fun again.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
4 days, 7 hours agoView original
1
Cute chick at Panda Express accidently backed up into me. That's twice as much action as I got in 2008. This year owns.
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
4 days, 9 hours agoView original
1
PROTIP: Martini glasses do not sit well in the cup-holder of a 1999 Chevy Cavalier, #the_more_you_know
Rayke (Ryan Drake) from Oklahoma City
4 days, 13 hours agoView original
1