RT @apelad: If you RT something & then your RT gets FAVRD, the rooster gently weeps. ADDED: PLS provide tinyurl to original tweet for @favrd
badkitty_ (badkitty)
14 hours, 23 minutes agoView original
5
Billboard: "Careful what you say, Sharks hear 700 feet away." Subtext: "Tourists! Welcome to Florida! From Our Stupid Chamber of Commerce."
badkitty_ (badkitty)
20 hours, 52 minutes agoView original
4
@abigvictory My car smells like none of those things. I'm so chaste and pure. My car smells like a virgin's twat. Oops! Forgot it's Sunday.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
2 days, 1 hour agoView original
4
@shortyawards I nominate @capnsmackers for a Shorty Award in #business because he would look really cute freeze-dried in a snow globe!
badkitty_ (badkitty)
5 days, 18 hours agoView original
2
On New Year's Eve, I'll watch New York City's BALLS DROP.
What???!!
They're supposed to be quite spectacular!
badkitty_ (badkitty)
5 days, 21 hours agoView original
4
@abigvictory I WAS REALLY GOOD DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON. CAN I PEE IN THE MILLENIUM FALCON NOW??? http://is.gd/eeGa
badkitty_ (badkitty)
6 days, 12 hours agoView original
1
Ode to Strep Throat:
Pretty pretty stripes!
Red and white
Oh they are
a beautiful sight
KILL IT NOW
STAB IT IN THE FACE
badkitty_ (badkitty)
6 days, 18 hours agoView original
3
I've watched so much Dog Whisperer in the past few days, I now poop in a calm assertive manner.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
6 days, 21 hours agoView original
13
OH HAI, HOLIDAY LEG HAIRS. I used you for warmth but got socks for Christmas so don't need you anymore. KTHXBAI! I'M SOOO SEXXXAYYY
badkitty_ (badkitty)
11
"Road Lock": noun. Holiday constipation while on the road traveling. Relief immediate upon return to home turf. (Courtesy: My brother.)
badkitty_ (badkitty)
5
White trash neighbor has kids & ex over to jump on trampoline Santa brought. Weather prediction: head injuries, crying, broken sippy cups.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 1 day agoView original
3
My boobs are sick of holiday sweaters. Did someone use a bedazzler on my nipples? They are just too damn perky! Calm down-Christmas is OVER.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 1 day agoView original
15
ANAL GRAND PRIX, ANAL TRAILBLAZER, ANAL UPLANDER, ANAL VUE, ANAL LANCER, ANAL PATHFINDER, ANAL BOXTER, ANAL HIGHLANDER. WHEEEEEEE!!!
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
ANAL RAM PICKUP, ANAL WRANGLER, ANAL ESCAPE, ANAL NAVIGATOR, ANAL MOUNTAINEER, ANAL THUNDERBIRD, ANAL LEGACY, ANAL AVALANCHE,ANAL RENDEZVOUS
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
ANAL RAM PICKUP
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
@krabigail ♬♫♫It's Slanket! It's Slanket! ♬♫IT'S FUN IT'S A WONDERFUL TOY! ♫♬ It's Slanket! It's Slanket! ♬IT'S FUN FOR A GIRL OR BOY! ♫♫♬
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
2
If you are going to proceed with movie reviews-including spoilers-on twitter, I shall be forced to let a bendy straw have its way with you.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
3
The Space Mountain Glass Eye Incident will forever be known as Gawk Like A Pirate Day. http://is.gd/dJIP
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
It appears the wee tiny dog enjoyed Xmas with us after all! Our hosts claim he was in the lasagna! HAHAHA! He was DELICIOUS NOM NOM NOM
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 3 days agoView original
8
Wearing only boxer shorts, I punched my mailman in the eye. He seems unaware it's Boxing Day. Here come the police. I wonder what they want.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
1 week, 3 days agoView original
12